I Lied on My Wedding Day — and I Still Lie About It Now

The photos were perfect.

The dress. The cake. The tears during the vows.

Everyone said it looked like a fairytale.

And maybe it was — the kind where no one asks too many questions.

But I remember standing there, saying “I do,”

and thinking: You’re not telling the truth.

Because part of me wasn’t ready.

Part of me was still wondering if I was doing this for love or for safety.

For passion… or for peace.

For the life I wanted — or the life I was told to want.

And I smiled anyway.

I said the vows like I meant them.

I kissed like I wasn’t afraid.

I danced like there wasn’t a lump in my throat the size of a secret.

I’ve never said this out loud.

Not to him. Not to friends.

Because what would it change?

We have a life now.

A shared calendar. A mortgage.

He’s good to me. Gentle. Predictable.

But I lied that day.

I said “forever” with crossed fingers inside my glove.

And I keep lying every time someone says,

“You two are perfect.”

I nod. I thank them.

And I lie again.

Because admitting the truth feels like betrayal —

but holding it in feels like slow suffocation.

Maybe I just needed to say it once.

To someone. To no one.

To the void.

I lied on my wedding day.

And I’m still pretending it was the best day of my life.